Taking things seriously | I'm back!

Hey! Long time no see. I think I owe you (and myself) a proper explanation.

So, one of my new year resolutions was to come here once a week. I was failing often before, but this time I spent two months without posting - the longest I've been away ever since I created this blog, almost a year ago. And I would be lying if I said it was because I was really busy - even though I was. The real reason I didn't come here is a little bit embarrassing for me: I lacked motivation. And ideas. 

Allow me to give a life update: I'm still in Seville, and in the last two months I was studying for tests and working on school projects, but also, doing a lot of introspection. I realized a lot of things about myself that until now had gone unnoticed, like for example, a lot of symptoms of anxiety disorder. It's 100% self diagnosis, so I'm not really sure yet, but that made me decide that I probably need professional help, so I'll try going to a therapist once I get back to Portugal. 

 It also made me realize that I have a tendency to take things too seriously. I take school seriously and, once I get home, I take other projects seriously. When I'm not doing something with a purpose, for example, when I'm watching a random Netflix show instead of writing a post here, I feel guilty and like I'm wasting my time. And when I noticed that pressure I put on myself, and realized that I was writing here more because I felt obliged to do so, rather than because I wanted to share something important, I lost motivation. 

I've always been someone who always has a lot of new projects, and it slowed down in College, but with this blog I felt like I got that back, and I definitely don't want to lose it again. However, I want this to be enjoyable. I don't want to be scratching my head every week looking for something - anything - to write about. And yet, I like the challenge. So I'll keep it for now, although I'll have to try hard to put myself first and not take it too seriously.

I already have a few posts written in advance, some were drafts I never finished before. Some of them are new. I wanted to have a few posts ready to give me time to find more ideas. I still don't have a lot of them to write, but I've learned that creativity is like a muscle, and you have to exercise it to get it stronger, so I'll try not to worry about that, and take it easy. 

Also, right before I took a break, I uploaded a video on youtube that I haven't mentioned here

It's about the consumerism in fandoms and why I don't take part in it. It's exciting to start making more thoughtful videos instead of just "what I eat in a day" and things like that, but they're also harder for me because it involves exposing myself in a way that I'm still not really comfortable with. So I don't know when (or even if) I'll make the next video, but I have a few things I'd like to talk about, so I hope I can get better and more comfortable with it. Plus, I love editing videos!

Anyway, I'm excited to be back.

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